Even if you understand that your relationship is not healthy and you do not want to continue it, taking the final step towards breaking up is very difficult. Today I want to share why breaking out of an abusive relationship is so hard.
- Lack of Idea About Healthy Relationships.
It is especially difficult for those who have only been in a toxic relationship before or this is their first experience of a relationship at all. If you have nothing to compare with, then it is almost impossible to understand that something is wrong. Especially if from the outside they say “it can get worse”, “all women / men are like that”, “be patient, it will pass”.
- Hope that everything will work out.
Almost everyone at the very beginning of a toxic relationship sees alarming bells from a partner: for example, he (a) loses his temper too often. But the relationship continues, because “all couples fight” or “he (s) will change for me.” It may seem to us that if we provide our partner with maximum support, he will improve and what we do not like will not happen again. He’s not from evil, but from some of his inner pain.
- Abusers – Very Subtle Manipulators.
Some have even learned this from childhood through interactions with parents or friends. This means that you most likely will not even realize that you are being controlled – and they are doing it very successfully. And of course, the manipulator will not let you go just like that: all his charm and persuasiveness will be used.
- Low Self-Esteem of the Victim.
Perhaps he was attracted to you by low self-esteem before the relationship, or maybe it was this union that deprived you of self-confidence – this also happens. The low self-esteem of the victim gives the abuser a whole field for “creativity” and manipulation.
Many do not talk for years about being in a toxic relationship because of a simple sense of shame. We are ashamed that we did not see through the abuser . that fell into his trap. That they allowed themselves to be treated like this. And we prefer to remain silent about what is happening, if only “not to wash dirty linen in public.”
What to do?
Gather all the strength and will, enlist support, make a plan and leave.
Think over a retreat plan in advance: where to live, how to earn money, with whom you no longer communicate, so as not to encounter an abuser . Along the way, you will need the care of people you can trust.