If you are looking for romance and cute fluffy bunnies, then this article is clearly not for you. Today we are talking about sex – hard and dirty sex. I’m not going to load you with long historical facts or boring statistics, but simply and clearly tell you about the culture of BDSM. Everything is extremely clear, on the shelves and without unnecessary philosophical reflections.
Sooner or later, a moment of satiety comes in intimate relationships. Habitual actions of a sexual partner no longer cause a powerful physiological response. Acts of intimacy are reduced to mechanics, and the entire sequence of body movements can be traced to the smallest detail. So you undressed, got to bed, kissed a couple of times, as a prelude he licked your nipples, then 10 minutes of frictions and the final.
Nevertheless, the desire to feel the subspace does not disappear anywhere. Nothing compares to the powerful release of endorphins and the loss of control over what is happening when the ground literally leaves from under your feet. This is exactly the kind of filing that the BDSM propagandists promise us. Indeed, the elements of the game will color the intimate life in new, brighter colors. So where do you start?
Overcoming moral barriers
Any experiments with the body are associated with an inevitable break with traditional attitudes. In our culture, it is not customary to flaunt your sexuality or voice your individual preferences. Talk to your partner about your desire to try BDSM. No need to start from afar, hint and try to iron out rough edges. Lay out everything as it is, but do not demand an answer at the same second, give him time for reflection and acceptance.
Now let’s deal with your prejudices, because shyness will not give you the opportunity to fully reveal your potential inherent in you. There are many misconceptions about BDSM, so let’s debunk the myths!
1. Such desires are a sign of insanity
The concept of “sexual deviation” is rather vague. Many things that are unacceptable for a European person are in the order of things in African tribes. There is no need to go far, a hundred years ago, marriages between cousins were considered absolutely normal. As long as experiments are carried out by mutual consent and do not harm the people around them, BDSM does not make mentally unbalanced personalities out of its adherents. In the bedroom, you can be a domineering mistress or walk around the house in a strict collar, and in the office you can calmly communicate with colleagues.
2. The husband wants to have a harem
Classic BDSM has no connection with the swinger movement, on the contrary, dominant-submissive relationships tend to monogamy. This experience only makes the union stronger. In some cases, there is a desire to arrange a group intercourse, but it occurs only by prior agreement, taking into account the opinions of all participants in the process and has a single character. Certainly strangers will not live in your apartment.
3. Being a slave is humiliating
Within the framework of the game, there is indeed a certain infringement of the degree of individual freedom. Insults, orders and offensive statements are allowed. Moral suppression of a partner manifests itself exclusively during the BDSM process, and the rest of the time your spouse can remain a caring and loving person. By the way, you have the right to discuss in advance forbidden topics, for example, to put forward a requirement not to criticize weight or appearance.
4. Pain and injury are inevitable
The degree of physiological effects is strictly controlled. In BDSM, painful sensations are not the goal, but only allow to sharpen sensual pleasure and help to achieve a high degree of trust between lovers. In principle, it is realistic to do without punishments and beatings, but to limit ourselves to bondage and psychological pressure. Injuries are present in regular sex, but they are not advertised. It all depends on the accuracy and unquestioning observance of elementary safety rules.
5. If I try, I’ll never be the same.
You should not expect dramatic changes in behavior and attitudes. After one time, you will not become a nymphomaniac or an asocial individual, and regular BDSM practice does not leave a negative imprint on mental health. Undoubtedly, you will open new horizons for yourself, become better understand your body and desires.
The basics
So, you realized that the craving for innovations will not make a monster out of you and mentally prepared for experiments, but do not rush to move on to practice. To make BDSM enjoyable, you need to replenish your knowledge base. There are three components of BDSM culture.
1. Bondage and domination (BD)
Restriction of freedom as an integral part of the educational process. This category includes games with ropes, handcuffs, gags. DB is ideal for couples who prefer to focus on the feeling of limitless power.
2. Domination and submission (DS)
Assumes moral suppression of the partner. The most typical example is animalism, when the lower one plays the role of an animal selflessly devoted to its owner. DS is suitable for those wishing to make an erotic exchange of power on a mental level.
3. Sadism and masochism (CM)
The pleasure associated with pain. Here whips , paddles and other paraphernalia will come in handy . Beating in the game has little to do with domestic violence. All partner actions are aimed at satisfying base instincts and reaching the peak point as soon as possible.
Preparation
Your preparation should include the following steps:
1. Registration on the thematic portal
Where else to look for information, if not on special sites. An unrealistic amount of near – truthful materials has been published on the Internet . This is due to the fact that the authors were based on scientific publications and not immersed in the sado- maso atmosphere. Unlike non-specific resources, BDSM sites offer practical guides, unbiased reviews of sex toys, and stories based on personal experience. Here you will read detailed instructions on spanking, learn the correct bondage techniques, and master the intricacies of the dominant submissive art. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you everything in one article, so here’s a great site for you.
2. Watching porn
Reading can never compare to visual perception. In the imagination, many moments look different than in life. So make sure to set aside a few nights to watch pornographic videos. The main mistake newbies make is watching everything in a row. Start with the ” soft ” category and only then move on to the ” hard ” category. An untrained mind can be shocked by placing foreign objects in the anus (and I’m not talking about sex toys), golden shower, suffocation and other harsh people.
3. Who is who?
We come to a key aspect – character identification. If you are unsure of what you want, alternate roles at first. One evening, try on the dominant image for yourself, and on the other, surrender the reins to your partner. Gradually practice will dot the i’s. In a couple, a certain model of behavior will be developed, because even in ordinary relationships, a more decisive and assertive side always stands out.
4. Common truths
Take a piece of paper and a pen, divide the field into three parts. In the first, write down the permissible actions, in the second – categorically locked, in the third – fantasies that can be realized under certain conditions (mood, preliminary preparation and desire). Don’t forget the stop words. It is advisable to single out several (the first is warning, and the second is terminating). The main rule is observance of neutrality. The fact is that pleading for mercy is an integral part of the gameplay. Therefore, everyday terms are used as stop words, for example, product names (pineapple and banana) or colors (red and yellow).
Buying inventory
All devices for BDSM can be roughly divided into three large categories. The first includes attributes aimed at suppressing the senses (sensory deprivation ). The second group includes equipment for restricting freedom of movement. The third category includes rigid, flexible and movable whipping instruments.
Sensory paraphernalia
1. Masks
Leather, latex and textiles are used as materials. Limiting eye contact is an important part of the gameplay. When a person does not see his “tormentor”, he does not lose control over the situation. You can choose a mask to your taste (and be surprised at their diversity ) here.
2. Gags
Often they are made in the form of a belt with a ball in the middle, however, there are models made of fabric (I highly do not recommend it – they make breathing difficult and are quickly saturated with saliva). The lower partner loses the opportunity to express their opinion or ask to stop. Note that using a gag involves adding stop words with a set of stop gestures.
And all those, if you are ready to take a risk, you can look for yourself a cute or intimidating gag here.
3. Spacers for the mouth
Allows you to forcibly keep your mouth open. Indispensable for a blow job with simultaneous pain stimulation. Squeezing the jaw while slapping is a natural reaction of the body. A special spacer eliminates the risk of damaging the penis by an involuntary bite.
Believe it or not, they are also different.
Catches and stops
Handcuffs, collars, ropes, bondages, and straitjackets are just a few of the tools to immobilize your partner. Finding a suitable option is not difficult – just go to the website of any sex shop in a special section (for example, here) or visit a hardware store. I want to dwell on the ropes in more detail, because with their choice, beginners have the most problems. Enjoyment directly depends on the material of the retainer. The more raw fibers and the thinner the product, the more painful it will cut into the skin. For regular games of tying, it is better to use natural twine, and for hanging – thick climbing or soft linen ropes.
Stimulants
1. Scourge
In general, the device is drawn as a handle and a long tail, but not everything is so simple. There are five types of lashes, namely:
- whips – a rigid handle from 20 to 100 cm in length and a soft braided tail with a kind of cracker at the end;
- snakes – the same, but the handle is soft or absent at all;
- cats – short base and several braided tails with knots or beads at the tips;
- doggy – a short and thick lash with a loop into which various objects can be inserted;
- floggers – a middle handle (in some models it is made in the form of a dildo) and short tails made of solid strips of leather.
All of these lashes are presented in abundance here.
The degree of pain depends on the material of the toy and the intensity of the flagellation (flogging).
2. Spankers
Among the products of sex shops, you can find two options: blindpers – soft material (rubber, leather, PVC) on a rigid handle and paddles – wooden or plastic devices similar to a table tennis racket (like these).
3. Stacks
They are thin and strong canes with additional stimulating elements (feathers, ribbons, laces).
Here is such a magic wand of Harry Potter.
First steps and reaching a new level
Act gradually, start small. Optimal – to allocate one day off for the game. I’ll sketch you an example scenario, if you don’t like something, cross it out with a bold red line, if you want more, don’t hesitate, add it.
Sunday morning, the disgusting sound of an alarm clock is heard, the girl languidly stretches and looks at her beloved sleeping next to her. Suddenly, memories fall on her like a waterfall: “Oh Lord, I agreed to It!”. The beauty quickly jumps out of bed, throws off all her clothes and puts on a collar prepared in advance. Now she is not Marina Pavlovna – an ordinary marketer of a famous concern, but a weak-willed and voiceless slave. An hour later, a sumptuous breakfast is prepared, and the girl, kneeling in the kitchen, is waiting for her Master.
He slowly appears in the doorway, not paying attention to the bottom, sits down at the table. Attention! Even if the food is very tasty, you cannot praise the submissive , because her responsibility is to satisfy all physical needs.
“The Boss will not deign to let me eat,” she asks timidly.
“You weren’t allowed to speak!
However, the guy puts the plate of omelet on the floor and the girl starts eating without using her hands. After the meal, our imaginary Marina, as a sign of immeasurable gratitude, gives her partner a blow job . Throughout the day, she carries out absolutely all the orders of the Master, the slightest signs of disobedience are suppressed by punishments: spanking, insults, erotic tasks (for example, going to the store without underwear). Such a long preparation allows you to get used to the role as much as possible. However, it is important not to go too far, some fantasies can be overly humiliating.
The main show is scheduled for the evening. Marinochka lies on her stomach, a red rubber gag flaunts in her mouth, her hands are tied behind her back, and her legs are wide apart. The boyfriend gently strokes her buttocks, and without warning we hit them with a bent “boat” palm (this will be a distinct sound with minimal pain). Better to alternate rubbing and flagellation . The game ends with a hard penetration from behind (long live the dog-style).
Over time, more intense stimulation can be added to the list of traditional “soft” elements of BDSM: patting the perineum, clicking on the clitoris, using anal and vaginal toys. Quite interesting sensations are given by a flogger- dildo, when the introduction of the device is replaced by a whipping flogging.