Intimate blackmail will not work: how to become valuable to him if he does not want a relationship

You are “strong and independent”, you know your worth. This is not sarcasm: you really achieve everything you want. And then he meets. At first, everything is not bad: both are self-sufficient, free, and together – because it’s just good together.

At some point, it becomes more and more difficult for you to let him go. You seem ready to trade independence for a life together. This is a cool desire, the trouble is that a man is not ready for such turns.

Yes, we are ripening for a long time for a serious relationship, because we don’t understand: what is so valuable in this particular woman?

Sex in a man’s life

Average men need sex a little more than average women. About an order of magnitude. You are fine a couple of times a week, but he really wants a few times a day. Of course, this depends on the level of hormones, but on average in the hospital this is the case. Platonic feelings are not for guys. Marry for sex. This is true.

“In male love, 90% is sex,” says Alexander Shakhov, a well-known Russian psychologist.

But there is one detail: when a man gets sex easily, almost effortlessly, its value drops. Girls know that if you want a second date, you can’t agree to have sex on the first. Not because, by agreeing, she humiliates herself, but because the guy is not interested in the one that he received quickly.

Such a paradox: sex is very important, but just taking it is not interesting.

intimate blackmail

Hence the first conclusion: to become valuable to a man, deprive him of sex. If the sex is good, it will work. Good – first of all for you, because in general a guy doesn’t need much: it’s important for him to please his partner. Do you like everything, and most importantly, you do not pretend? So, everything is fine: he likes it too. You can set a condition: sex only after the wedding. Or at least after he gives you the keys to the apartment.

“Happiness is when you are understood”

While we talk a lot about sex here, it’s not the only thing a woman can give a man. Oddly enough, simple human relationships are just as important. Do you remember, in the old Soviet film “We’ll Live Until Monday”, a ninth-grader boy wrote in an essay: “Happiness is when you are understood” ?

A man is so arranged: he always competes with everyone. Even friends, we can not always admit weaknesses. We are afraid of being laughed at. But emotional support is needed.

The only person to whom a man can open up completely is a close woman who can understand him. This is your main draw. You have to be that kind of person for a guy.

Understand that he is a living person with problems

Women often demand understanding, but forget that men are the same people with their own problems. We seek support, but instead we receive reproaches of unmasculinity . Since childhood, when we hear everywhere: “Boys don’t cry.” A woman who is able to see in a man just a person, with flaws, weaknesses, will hook him seriously and for a long time.

Only after the wedding

Let’s summarize. Not everyone can persuade a man to a serious relationship: guys in general are “normal” anyway. In order for “norms” to be only with you, you need to become valuable to him. Learn to empathize with him. And also: do not pretend to have sex so that it is really cool and you can blackmail it. Yes Yes. First give, then take away . A man will think a thousand times whether it is worth spending effort on another woman when you are both loved and understood here.

Alexander Shakhov: “You must set a condition: there will be sex only after you get married. But first you need to become understanding. Then you will be able to say: “Oops, now understanding and sex only after marriage.” He will think about whether he needs it or not … Start all over again: look for good sex somewhere, understanding? Most likely, he will think: there is a woman with whom both sex is cool, and in general it’s great with her. Therefore, he will ask: “What needs to be done so that you are with me?

event_note July 17, 2022

account_box Dr. John Provet

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