Is there a friendship between a man and a woman?

Can there be a real strong friendship between a man and a woman? Surely this question is often asked by students sitting at a desk! Since they can’t understand what kind of feeling it is, it causes increased interest in a classmate or classmate. Is it friendship ? Is it in love ?   

Time passes and they become best friends and begin to believe in the friendship between a boy and a girl, a man and a woman. They are the happiest people because they have not yet realized the law of attraction. They still do not understand that the plus is drawn to the minus, and the minus to the plus. That the bad is drawn to the good, and the good to the bad. That much in this world is based on energy exchange. That everything in life complements each other, and these additions, and energy metabolism, are usually negative in comparison.

The friendship between a man and a woman is a relative concept in any case, since they are heterosexual creatures. And craving for each other can occur only against the background of sympathy. A woman is weak and fragile, how can she be a friend to a man, because the main element of friendship is support in difficult times, and how can a woman support someone in whom, unconsciously, she potentially sees the protector and father of the family? 

How can a man see a friend in a woman? First of all, he smells her, evaluates external data, subconsciously she is for him a sexual object, like a female in a herd. And if she is good-looking at the same time, then animal instincts dominate him and she becomes prey in his eyes. Of course, he can talk with her about the sublime and the beautiful, ignore the call of the flesh, convince himself that this is only friendship. For the time being …

So they become friends. Their friendships flow very nicely and beautifully, until the moment when advice and feelings for each other lead them to bed. As a rule, this happens at a time when both are bad. It did not work out for her, he broke up with his girlfriend. Sorrow and pain, resentment and disappointment unite them. They begin to understand each other as never before. They choke on their own saliva, talking about how he cheated on her, or how she abandoned him. Surely this happens in a bar, or club, where there is a drink. Then he, a friend, volunteers to carry her out, but she kindly agrees. They reach the entrance, and with tears in her eyes, she throws herself into his arms and talks about how much she would not want to be alone in this difficult moment. He, as a true gentleman and a true friend, volunteers to support her and is easily invited for a cup of coffee. Have a coffee. It’s time to sleep. We lay down in a friendly way, maybe on the same couch. And the light touch of her hand becomes the very moment that cancels friendship. They tasted the forbidden fruit. Here is a standard model for developing friendships between a man and a woman.  

Now, as it seems to them, or it seems to one of them, the relationship will be much stronger. But in reality, the former friendship and present love unites someone, but on the contrary creates problems for someone. After all, when we are friends, we do not notice many points. We do not see what becomes visible in a love relationship. And then everything either ends, there is no friendship and no love, and sometimes on the contrary it develops, strengthens and becomes indestructible.

I will not be new if I say that from the point of view of a psychologist and a sexologist, friendship between a man and a woman is a completely unnatural form of relationship that can exist for a relatively long time only in one case – people like each other, but there are force majeure circumstances, not giving them opportunities to become lovers, either one of the parties insanely wants love relationships, and the second stubbornly ignores the hints of the first! This axiom is born from the practical analysis of many specific situations and is always confirmed by life. Same-sex friendship can be based on mutual respect, similar views and characters, on the fact that we can calmly discuss with the friend (or girlfriend) all the ups and downs of our intimate life and get advice about it.  

The friendship between a man and a woman has a completely different energy color – friends are pleased to be in each other’s company, their cheeks turn pink, energy is exchanged, but without an explosion leading to a catalysis of the love process – this does not happen, the relationship is maintained smoothly and touchingly, and their transition to the love stage is often a complete surprise for one of the participants in this tandem. Note for one! Then it turns out, as a rule, that the second one was long and hopelessly in love for a long time, and agreed to the role of a friend, or even consciously played this role, so as not to be refused immediately, to become necessary, to at least communicate with the object of his passion. If they are schoolchildren, a young man and a girl, then, as a rule, the first is in love. But if these are people of mature age, then a situation more often occurs with the exact opposite “opposite” – a woman-friend who sees in his boss or patron the most ideal man in the world, but he, by virtue of a huge number of proposals, does not perceive her as sexy an object.     

There is also a friendship between a married man and a married woman, where the strength of this friendship depends only on their moral principles and on relations with their half. Such relationships, of course, sooner or later lead to bed, because in their families everything cannot always be perfect, and if they both gravitate towards this heterosexual friendship for a long time, it means they will not get any human warmth in the family. And, finally, there is still a third subspecies of friendship between a man and a woman – when they were already lovers, they parted, but it so happened that they did not want to lose the spiritual or business communication that they had gained in a couple – and remained friends. In this case, friendship is just quite stable, because these heterosexual friends have already come from where everyone else wants to go!  

Analyzing such pairs of “friends” at the sessions of psychoanalysis, I always came to the conclusion that very deeply hidden emotional processes arise in the lives of these people, which can very strongly affect their life, both in a positive and negative sense. To some extent, the friendship between a man and a woman can be very dangerous for our psychological health, if we do not even know what subconscious motives are behind it. And just as diverse friendship can be that absolutely healing factor that allows us to believe in ourselves and stay afloat in this life. Diverse friendships, especially long-term friendships, are quite dangerous for a person, since this is just the visible part of the emotional iceberg that leads to psychological comfort, or psychological discomfort! The love relationship between a man and a woman is always clear – it is clear that one wants what the other wants. Friendship is becoming more and more difficult – we very rarely can clearly see its true motives.   

So, do you have a friend or girlfriend not of your gender? Think about the fact that after some time this relationship can lead you to bed. Do you want this? Then keep talking. Are you afraid of this? Try to end this friendship. You just can not imagine that this could really happen? Reread this article from the start!

event_note April 1, 2020

account_box Dr. John Provet

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